Couples Therapy

Romantic and Love Relationships: A Complex Chapter in Life

Romantic and love relationships are undeniably a complicated chapter in life. While most relationships are a fantastic source of increased joy and security, they also lead to frustration and suffering. Living closely with another person is, to say the least, challenging. In a relationship, we do not always get what we want—we must compromise, set aside our own needs, change behaviors, and support each other, which often leads to irritation, conflicts, and discord. Adding additional stress factors, such as children, work, home, pets, and vacation houses, makes the situation even more complex.

Today, many people end their relationships or are forced to endure suffering because they struggle to move forward, have difficulties communicating, or frequently argue. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Help is available. Through various psychological tools developed and designed to address relational difficulties, many couples can learn to recognize and manage challenging situations before they escalate into a negative spiral.

Although it is natural to experience difficulties and even suffering in a romantic relationship, it is worthwhile to invest time and energy in personal growth and in saving the relationship. In fact, couples who dedicate time and effort to their relationship are generally happier than those who do not.

Using couples therapy interventions based on IBCT (Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy), our psychologists help you articulate fundamental needs, resolve conflicts and problematic behaviors, collaborate better, minimize discord and disputes, understand each other and yourselves on a deeper level, compromise, and handle difficult challenges. We are experts in psychology—thoughts, emotions, and behaviors—while you are experts on yourselves. Together, we work through the issues to find suitable interventions that promote greater happiness and reduce suffering.

To succeed in a relationship, it is crucial to develop insight and self-awareness. Getting to know oneself better and understanding how one's own behavior affects a partner often helps identify alternative ways of interacting that work better. It has also been shown to be beneficial to explore and refine communication techniques—how we talk to each other, the words we choose, how we share about ourselves, how we behave, and how we interpret each other. Furthermore, many couples benefit from learning more about their own needs, fears, and visions and being able to express these experiences in alignment with their values.

Another key aspect of couples therapy and relationship development—although not always included—is learning to recognize differences in personality and accept each other's needs. A common root of conflicts and difficulties in most relationships is individual differences in personality or preferences. Simply put, we are different—this is reflected in our behaviors, as well as in how we prioritize our time and energy. These differences often manifest in behavior or language. Here are some classic examples of common tensions in a romantic relationship: meticulous versus relaxed; frugal versus spontaneous; a great need for personal time versus a great need for shared time. Such differences, combined with a lack of acceptance of each other's unique traits and needs, often lead to frustration and conflict, which can be difficult to navigate and, in the worst case, damage the relationship—especially if there is a lack of insight, understanding, and respectful communication.

Seeking help in time and addressing relationship difficulties before they become overwhelming often makes it easier to receive guidance and grow as both individuals and as a couple. It is beneficial to identify and fine-tune daily or practical habits before conflicts escalate. By addressing issues early, negative behavior patterns can be identified and mitigated before they become too ingrained and cause serious harm to the relationship. Couples therapy thus often serves as a proactive measure aimed at developing positive habits that, in the long run, increase quality of life and reduce the risk of breakups, divorce, and suffering. Small behavioral changes in daily life often have a greater impact on a relationship than trips, dinners, or other classic remedies. Unfortunately, many couples seek help too late.

Our psychologists in Umeå offer evidence-based couples therapy based on IBCT (Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy). IBCT has been developed and refined to address relational issues, particularly in romantic relationships. When necessary, we also incorporate Emotionally-Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT-C).

IBCT is grounded in scientific research and was designed by psychologist and professor Andrew Christensen from the University of California, USA. IBCT begins with an analysis phase—a kind of exploration. Together with the couple, the psychologist identifies and verbalizes one or more problem areas, while also highlighting the couple’s strengths and history. The psychologist almost always meets with both partners together during the first session. Afterward, individual sessions are conducted before presenting the problem area and introducing psychological tools and exercises designed to help the couple manage their difficulties. During treatment, the couple works with various techniques to replace negative behaviors and improve interaction. The goal of therapy is to rediscover positive aspects of each other, express needs and emotions, refine communication skills, listen to one another, handle and deliver criticism, and manage conflicts effectively.

When Is It Reasonable to Consider Couples Therapy?

The short answer is: when you or your partner feel that the relationship is not functioning satisfactorily. You may feel stuck, one of you may experience the relationship as burdensome rather than a source of joy, and you may struggle to move forward on your own. Difficulties in romantic relationships often arise during crises, periods of stress, overload, infidelity, lack of communication, or so-called silent problems.

During a crisis, it is easy to fall into arguments, often in an attempt to satisfy one's own needs. It is also common to get stuck in accusations, destructive conflicts, and defensive mechanisms that do not benefit the relationship. Infidelity is another common issue addressed in couples therapy. Initially, a breakup or divorce may seem like the only solution. However, couples therapy has proven effective in dealing with infidelity. Many couples who undergo therapy in such situations find that their relationship actually strengthens.

Poor or weak communication is another common reason couples seek therapy. This might involve difficulty expressing emotions and needs, passive-aggressive behavior, or struggling to understand a partner's feelings and desires. Silent problems refer to topics or issues that one or both partners avoid discussing, which often leads to suffering. When we fall into silence and fail to address what is important, difficult, or emotional, it frequently results in conflict or emotional distancing.

If you have a long journey within Västerbotten to visit our clinic in Umeå, we also offer blended treatment—a combination of in-person sessions in Umeå and remote sessions via video link.

Our psychologists at the Umeå clinic are licensed and members of the Swedish Psychological Association (Sveriges Psykologförbund) and the Swedish Association of Private Practicing Psychologists (Svenska Psykologföretagarna). This ensures that your visits are protected under patient insurance according to the Patient Injury Act (1996:799).

In Sweden, the titles Licensed Psychologist and Licensed Psychotherapist are legally protected. This means it is illegal to use these titles without official licensure. Licensed psychologists have completed five years of study in Sweden’s psychology program, followed by one year of supervised practical service (PTP – praktisk tjänstgöring för psykologer).

Psychotherapists, on the other hand, may come from various professional backgrounds, such as nursing or social work, and have completed a psychotherapy training program, which is an advanced education equivalent to about 18 months of study.

A licensed psychologist is also different from a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are licensed medical doctors who specialize in psychiatry. Evidence-based psychotherapy is conducted by either a licensed psychologist or a licensed psychotherapist.

Therapists with titles such as CBT therapists (KBT-terapeuter), Step-1 therapists, certified coaches, psychosynthesis therapists, or similar do not hold a professional license. They do not always work according to evidence-based science, are not bound by confidentiality laws, and are not subject to quality control by the Swedish National Board of Health and Welfare (Socialstyrelsen).